No Place Like Home

God is good - ALL the time! That pretty much sums up the last few days, because He's been doing some absolutely amazing things in my life. Here's what's been going on this week:

• Applied for a summer (PAID) internship with a youth organization to be a summer event coordinator and mentor. The crazy thing is that there's an opening at one of the organization's branches in the town I used to live in - in Montana! I didn't think there was any way I would ever be able to return there since it's so far away from home, but that place truly holds my heart. Anyways, I received a call this afternoon from the youth organization saying that I made it through the initial stages of the application process and all I have left is a phone interview with the supervisor on November 5th. I'm overwhelmed with excitement!
• Completed my application for a spring break missions to Honduras! I have wanted to go on a missions trip since I became a Christian three years ago, but I was always all over the place emotionally and spiritually, so I was never fully surrendered to His spirit. I'm in such an incredible season of my life and I just have such a desire to use this energy to help His children. If I'm selected for the trip, I'd spend the week helping to build an orphanage and run a VBS for the kids in the community. This seems like such a great opportunity and I would love the chance to serve overseas.
• Finally stopped procrastinating and turned in my "Change of Major/Minor" form - I am officially a Student Ministries major, Cross-Cultural Studies minor. Previously, I was a psychology major who, because of transferring to a new school this year, would have graduated a semester behind despite the fact that I completed a full semester of college in high school through dual enrollment. HOWEVER, because God is so faithful and will shower His blessings upon us when we listen and follow His plan, I am now able to graduate on time because every one of my credits from my previous college will count towards my ministry degree. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

Anyways, to add on to all the wonderful things that God has been doing, I get to go home for three days! I'm so excited to see my family, my friends, and my church family as well. This weekend will consist of bike trails, rodeos with my best friend, family dinners, fishing, and incredible worship at my home church. Yeah, this week was definitely a God-given blessing!

Ho Ho Ho && Happy Halloween!

Good afternoon everyone! I hope you're having an amazing day like me! I've even enjoyed the random sun showers that we've been getting all day - it's like the weather is as indecisive as I am!

I just got out of my Christian Leadership class, and it was absolutely wonderful. That class has always been my favorite, but today even more of a blessing than normal. We had to break off into groups to analyze a passage in Scripture (Acts 6:1-7) to determine the leadership principles that the apostles' utilized. I was placed in a group with only guys, which made me just a bit hesitant to share because I know that sometimes men can be put off by women trying to force their opinions. However, after I shared my analysis, the group elected me to act as the leader of our group in presenting the views to the class; our professor complimented us on our analysis and praised us for really grasping the principles in this passage, acknowledging our group as "Sam and her group."

I know that's really not a big deal, but I was beaming afterward. As I shared before, I've really been struggling with seeking God's will and what He has called me to do in order to be a useful instrument for Him. There have been very few times in my life where I've experienced the amazing sensation that I'm doing "what I'm meant to do" (as cheesy as that sounds). Whenever I am in my ministry classes, sharing my faith with others, working back in the student ministry at my home church, or leading worship, I just feel on fire. It's an indescribable sensation. God is so faithful to put us where we need to be. Our heavenly Father wants us to be filled with joy! He longs to bless us! 

Oh, and here's some other exciting things! This Saturday, I get to work at the local zoo to help put on their Halloween event for kids and I'm super excited! I also get to go back home next weekend, and I get to plan my best friend's birthday. I'm taking her to Disney World around Christmas time so we can go to the Magic Kingdom along with one of our best guy friends. I'm so excited to do this for her; plus I'm always excited to get to go to my favorite place ever! Yes, I am a little kid at heart <3

Twilight Zone

Call me crazy, but I don't want to be engaged at 19!!! I know, I'm a female at a Christian school, I'm supposed to only have marriage on my mind, but I've never been one to follow the norm.

My boyfriend(ish) of the last two years, T, wants to get engaged. Like ASAP. He wants to put a ring on my finger and live together next semester. Mind you, we haven't even "officially" dated in about three months and the longest that we've consecutively dated is somewhere in the neighborhood of four months. Granted, even on breaks, the longest we've ever gone without talking and seeing on another was about two weeks, but still. There is nothing secure and steady about our relationship, and I am absolutely horrendous at committing to things. Seriously, I am probably the most indecisive and flaky person you'll ever meet. Perfect candidate for a young marriage, right?

Last night, we hung out for the first time in about three weeks. We have been talking nonstop, but I felt like there was something keeping me from seeing him but I couldn't put my finger on it. So last night I broke our mini-break and spent time with him. He was a gentleman and so sweet, but there was no real conversation. It seems like all we do is talk about the future, maybe throw God's name in there once or twice, and then spend all of our time in person just physically showing how much we missed one another. (No, we do not sleep together or anything like that, so don't think that's what I mean. However, it is not glorifying to God as we are taking things much further than we should when outside of a marriage covenant.)

I've realized that there really is no spiritual connection between us. Yes, both of us are believers and we truly seek the Lord - on an individual basis. We've never prayed together, never done a Bible study, or even attended a church service together (which is weird, since the first time we went on a "date" we met up first at his high school youth group). I feel like I'm missing something, but I don't know what it means to be in a truly God-centered relationship. We're both strong believers, but there's no spiritual relationship between us. I want that, I so desperately want to be with a man who is so in love with the Lord that we can just sit for hours and talk about Him. Can I have that? Is it possible?

I want to believe that I can, but honestly I don't believe that a godly guy would ever date me. I've got a lot of baggage and I did a lot of stupid things before I became a Christian, and even since then as He was taking me through the refining process. I wouldn't want a godly man to be stuck with me - he deserves to be with someone pure who saved all of herself for him. Yes, I know that God makes us a new creation in Christ, but still. It wouldn't be fair to put a good guy through all my junk. I'm TERRIBLE at relationships, friendships and dating relationships alike.

Anyways, I told T this morning that I need to listen to God's call for my life right now; I need to be single. I need to fall in love with God and love Him with ALL of my heart. I've let my spiritual life suffer because I've placed all my focus on trying to find a guy. I don't know what the future may bring, but I have to believe that my future is in HIS hands. I've always made the first move in all of my dating relationships (even with T, I got his number and initiated things), and I want to believe that a guy could pursue me. Who knows what will come, but it's time to just focus ALL of my energy on the One who loves me more than anyone else.

Why Yes, I Do Ramble!

Not quite sure what made me decide to finally enter the blogging community. I suppose I was influenced by some friends and their blogs. However, their blogs are interesting, funny, and quite heartfelt - I'm not entirely sure if I will be able to compose anything relatively interesting enough for public eyes. Here goes nothing!

Let me begin by saying that I love the Lord, hence the reason for the title of my blog.  I became a Christian on February 21, 2009, was baptized on June 3, 2009, fully surrendered myself to Him and His will for my life on May 15, 2011, and was baptized with the Holy Spirit on September 28, 2011. Yes, I realize that process was over two and a half years and most people just have one date that they can mark as when everything happened. I like to complicate things. I've tried to just pick one date as the moment I gained salvation, but I really can't because each of these were another piece in my redemption. Thank goodness that God never gives up and He has patience for people like me!

I decided to begin this blog as a way to document my seasons of life and force myself in EVERY situation to keep my eyes on Him. This blog is like an accountability system that I'm setting up for myself. I'm so terrible at talking, and I can't work my cell phone to save my life, so I think this will be a good way to track life. And hey, if anyone actually decides to read this, then it's my hope that God will use something that I write to speak to someone. God has used some really random and seemingly insignificant things to speak to me, so I'd love to be that random thing for someone else!

Currently, my season of life is one of confusion and opportunity. I am not too good with dealing with either one of these. Both of these are in my life for a reason, and I know that God is using them to teach me something - not knowing what that "something" is, however, is quite frustrating. Because I'm a female college student, I'm sure you can already guess what my situations involve: boys and school. And unfortunately, because I am quite predictable, you are correct. Please don't let this turn you off however! I promise that this blog is focused on God and not my obnoxious whining about guys. Here are my two current situations:

LOVE LIFE: My boyfriend(ish) of the last two years (it's complicated) is hoping for another chance to have a more serious relationship, old friend from high school is suddenly showing interest, and an old almost-flame from two summers ago is pursuing the idea of "us" once again. All I can say is I am royally confused.

SCHOOL: This is my first semester at a new university; I just transferred. Last fall I entered school as a ministry major, then changed to psychology in the spring. I hate psychology. People fascinate me, sure, but I have no interest in the little details of their lives - I just want to meet their needs. At my new school, I transferred and declared my major as ministry again. I absolutely love my ministry classes and learning all about biblical studies. But of course, because it's me and nothing can ever be straightforward, I have another idea in the works: equine-assisted therapy. I just got a position at a local horse rescue, and I am absolutely in love. I've grown up around all kinds of animals, especially horses, so they've always been a huge part of my life. I worked at an animal hospital this past summer, and it was hands-down the most incredible experience ever. So which do I pursue, animals or ministry?

So this is where I currently find myself. Nothing earth-shattering, but this is what's occupying my mind right now. How blessed am I to be able to say that these are the biggest "issues" I'm facing right now?! Seriously, this is such a blessing to be able to complain about these things! My prayer right now is that I will learn what true faith is. I've learned how to trust God in the big things, the near-death experiences that I was blessed to go through, but I don't know what it means to lean on Him in my every day life. I can't believe that God even cares to know about these little things! I am His daughter, His whiny, indecisive, flaky, redeemed daughter! He makes BEAUTIFUL THINGS out of us!